It’s funny how we hold onto things. (Or maybe it’s just me?!) I love clothes. Sweaters, jackets, dresses, and shoes. I love one more than the other. I have a mix of memories from joy to tremendous pain when I look through my closet. It is tough for me to get rid of the memories.
I recently cleaned out five bags of donated good that included the shirt I wore in 2004 when I met my husband (sad that I still own it, I know), the outfit I wore when I learned that I was first pregnant, and other various nostalgic gems. I realized how much I hold on to happy moments and memories through material.
I also found the sweatpants I wore for the better part of a month while I was in the hospital with Kelsey in 2011. I have not worn them again, and they were the easiest item to purge. Yet, I wondered why I held on to them this long. Clothes clearly connect me to moments. I have never realized that before.
I closed my eyes and sent myself back to the memories and times as I placed the sentiments in the donation bag.
Some were easier than others.
It was not because I want to rid myself of those moments. However, the past few years have opened my eyes to the ability we all have to do things we never dreamed possible. I am trying to only keep clothes that focus on my strengths and represent the woman and mother that I strive to be.
Sometimes, I am asked how I do it “all.” How I give that dreaded needle and then start my day with a smile?
Some days, I honestly do not know. Some days, I fake it because it is easier. Other days, I truly feel grateful for the injection because of the energy and strength it gives my girl.
I do my best to find strength within every morning, even though I often do so through shrieks and sobs. I have learned to endure, take a breathe of fresh air while I walk my puppy, and attempt to find blessings every single day. Those silver linings make the impossible much more manageable.
What I know is that we do what we need to do when we need to do it. Sometimes there is no choice. There is no how. There just is. I believe those moments define us. Looking through a decade of clothing and accessories to see the woman I am in 2017, by choice and circumstance.
While my husband and I both wonder why I held on to the items, and he wishes that I donated them before we moved… the answer is unknown. It was enjoyable to stop and look back through so many life-changing moments and materials.
The Good-Will happily accepted, and I felt cleansed.
Today, I choose to look forward with hope and much more space in my closet. I hope to fill the shelves with more positive moments and happy memories instead of dwelling on those that I cannot control.