Cleaning House

It’s funny how we hold onto things.  (Or maybe it’s just me?!)  I love clothes.  Sweaters, jackets, dresses, and shoes.  I love one more than the other.  I have a mix of memories from joy to tremendous pain when I look through my closet.  It is tough for me to get rid of the memories.

I recently cleaned out five bags of donated good that included the shirt I wore in 2004 when I met my husband (sad that I still own it, I know), the outfit I wore when I learned that I was first pregnant, and other various nostalgic gems.  I realized how much I hold on to happy moments and memories through material.

I also found the sweatpants I wore for the better part of a month while I was in the hospital with Kelsey in 2011.  I have not worn them again, and they were the easiest item to purge.  Yet, I wondered why I held on to them this long.  Clothes clearly connect me to moments.  I have never realized that before.

I closed my eyes and sent myself back to the memories and times as I placed the sentiments in the donation bag.

Some were easier than others.

It was not because I want to rid myself of those moments.  However, the past few years have opened my eyes to the ability we all have to do things we never dreamed possible.  I am trying to only keep clothes that focus on my strengths and represent the woman and mother that I strive to be.

Sometimes, I am asked how I do it “all.”  How I give that dreaded needle and then start my day with a smile?

Some days, I honestly do not know.  Some days, I fake it because it is easier.  Other days, I truly feel grateful for the injection because of the energy and strength it gives my girl.

I do my best to find strength within every morning, even though I often do so through shrieks and sobs.  I have learned to endure, take a breathe of fresh air while I walk my puppy, and attempt to find blessings every single day.  Those silver linings make the impossible much more manageable.

What I know is that we do what we need to do when we need to do it.  Sometimes there is no choice.  There is no how.  There just is.  I believe those moments define us.  Looking through a decade of clothing and accessories to see the woman I am in 2017, by choice and circumstance.

While my husband and I both wonder why I held on to the items, and he wishes that I donated them before we moved… the answer is unknown.  It was enjoyable to stop and look back through so many life-changing moments and materials.

The Good-Will happily accepted, and I felt cleansed.

Today, I choose to look forward with hope and much more space in my closet.  I hope to fill the shelves with more positive moments and happy memories instead of dwelling on those that I cannot control.

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