Typically in the moments after giving my child a needle of life-saving medication, I dash upstairs both to run away from the nauseous feeling in the the pit of my stomach and to block out the shrieks of pain caused by my injection. I usually put on my jewelry for the day and take a moment to breathe. It’s our routine, and we all try our best to make it “ok.”
When Kelsey chose me to inject the medication, I did not think I could handle it. Though we were both trained, my husband started the process first and seemed so much more competent and strong than I thought I could be as he injected. I was the comfort and that role suited me fine.
Today’s injection was a particularly tough one. In truth, perhaps they all are, but I often run away instead of having a moment to reflect on it. As I sit to find strength in the joy of laughter now surrounding me, Kelsey comes over to me.
She sees my face and touches my cheeks with her hands. She says, “Mom don’t be sad that you hurt me. You did hurt me today, but I know you love me and that’s why. You just want me to feel better. Ok? It’s OK Mom.”
OK? Is it? The truth is, it is not really OK. It is not really OK because my child’s presence to offer me calm is the reverse of what should happen. Her gentle smile and sweet touch leave me with no choice but to smile back at her.
As any mother knows, when your child asks for you, there you are. Those are moments when inner strength and pure love take over without knowing how you do it. You just do it. You find a way to be ok.
Mothers, I want to thank you for all that you do. I would like to thank my mother especially because there are many things she “just does” now and those that she always has. During times when I am not sure how I have made it through a rough day, week month, or year, I sit back and think, I did it because I am her daughter.
I hope someday, when a cure is found and my daughter is thriving, she will look back and see a reflection of all of her strength, all of her courage, and all that she has done in her life to help me be OK.
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4/5/18 – St. Charles Borromeo Church Hall – 7:00 PM