Just like that, you cannot help but bring fear forward. It starts with a limp, continues to an evening pain that must be fierce for it wakes a sleeping Kelsey with sensations strong enough for tears. Concern, fear, and worry consume your weekend. Though all “appears” well on the surface, the doubt connects you with doctors out of necessity. Blood work is ordered with urgency. Life turns upside down again in your home. You also know it could be worse and pray it remains merely a concern.
Then, just like that, you are taken back to a painful trail of memories.
You check in at the lab; a very routine practice. There is no concern or fear for Kelsey because unlike the horror of a weekly injection, lab work is less often and for some reason, less concerning or worrisome to Kelsey. The brave and strong girl has no presentation of worry.
Another young man (baby by the sound) does not feel the same way.
He screams in pain for twenty minutes. All the while, the staff does their best to calm him down and the mother does her best to do the same.
Nothing works.
We sit in silence and I cannot help but drift back in memory to painful times when that scream was the norm and that pain was hers. Tears stream and I would like to go back and offer that mom a hug. Kelsey wonders the worry that brought that parent and child in today. I do, too.
The doors are closed and no one else is the room. We hold hands, and I pray for that little screaming voice inside and our own silent voices.
Twenty minutes later, “it’s over” is calmly stated by the staff. The mom took five more minutes to calm her child down. As they walked out of the office, distraught, I offered her a warm glance.
It’s now my child’s turn and though she does not scream externally anymore, we’ve had enough of those moments in the past to know how worried she is inside. I put on my best face and smile to offer her comfort and calm. Her determined face keeps me going, though I cannot escape the pain felt through confidence instead of crying this time.
We hope, we pray, and we await results hoping we worry a little less when we do.